You’ve probably heard this: one thing is to forgive the person and another is to forgive their harmful behavior. You can forgive the person while condemning their actions. But how?
I started today angry. At 12:59 am, noticing that my son was still playing video-games, I got irritated––he had to wake up at 6:30. My stomach ached (because, stress?) and I was considering going to get some tummy tablets when, at 1:39, I heard him head to the kitchen. My opportunity, I thought.
When I got there, he was standing by the pantry. Apologetic, he said, “Tengo hambre” (literally “I have hunger” in Spanish).
“No, you have to go to sleep, that’s what you have,” I replied. He went to bed, and so did I.
In the morning, after my meditation, I asked, Please tell me what to do. I heard something like, “give guidance.”
Right! Having compassion for my son and his circumstance doesn’t mean that I turn a blind eye on destructive behavior. As his mother, it’s my duty to give him guidance.
Of course, he can do whatever he wants with what I say, but if I really want what’s best for him, I’ll share my true feelings about how he’s living. And because I love him, I’ll offer help––if he wants and accepts it.
Love the person, not the action; condemn the action, not the person.
He’s doing something harmful (mostly to himself); because I love him, I see he and the “something harmful” are separate. I love him; I condemn the lifestyle.
I can love everyone and feel compassion for all, regardless of how destructive their actions might be. I can distinguish between action and person no matter what.
Because love is forgiveness, and forgiveness is love.
Whom will you distinguish from their behavior so you can love the person and not the action?
Love,
Carolina
Carolina Perez Sanz 