“If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” ― Goethe
A few years back, research discovered that men are often promoted based on their “leadership potential,” while women tend to face more scrutiny of their past accomplishments.
That is, of course, if the man in question doesn’t have a mark in his criminal record.
As we stand right now, regardless of my and my husband’s records as model citizens (based on our financial, eviction, credit, and criminal histories), we may need to either buy a home or stay where we are because landlords may be wary of accepting my son into their property.
This hurts. Yes, he made a mistake when he was 19, but does that need to follow him around for the rest of his life, dragging him down?
Watching this Viktor Frankl video (where he explains Goethe’s quote), I realized I’ve often mistaken my son for his past behavior instead of stubbornly believing in his potential.
Instead of seeing him, I’ve often seen his messy room, his persistent video-gaming, his late-night snacking as though those were him. In effect, I’ve been dragging him down––at least in my mind.
Which is what Goethe warns about in the quote: when I see him as he is behaving in this moment instead of believing in the great person he will become, I make him worse. I put a ceiling on his development.
But if I see him past the decoys of his current behaviors, I can see that he is, like me, like the landlords denying him rental, and everyone else, on a journey to figuring out what life means.
And he, like the rest of us, deserves space and time for his own process.
What do you choose to see when you look at the people around you?
Love,
Carolina
Carolina Perez Sanz 