When your Ego realizes you’re about to change, it freaks out: what if the worst happens is the first thought on its mind – which, by the way, is your mind. So, wringing its hands, it plans how to stop you.
Earlier this year, I took the biggest leap of my life: I declared to be a writer and started looking for writing jobs.
When this week I landed a contractor Creative Writing Analyst gig, I was overjoyed to see the word “writing” in my job title. But it’s more analyst than writing, and not that creative.
So, on Tuesday night I thought, “What I want is a full-time, salaried communication role where I truly get to write.”
On Wednesday, I opened my Indeed.com account to find a communications specialist posting. The company hiring? The one I already work for – selling coffee machines!
It had to be a sign! Why else would I have taken a job selling coffee machines in a mall?
But, instead of being ecstatic, I went into “deer in headlights” mode.
Instead of emailing my current boss to ask for a referral, I started to review the downsides:
- The pay’s not…
- I’d be sad to leave my weekend retail job
- I’d get a laptop but what if it’s not the brand I love?
- I could get a pixie haircut
Er… what? Anyway: pure self-sabotage.
And behind those irrelevant, distracting and distracted thoughts?
None other than the Ghost of Idea Deflection, looking for ways to keep me from applying.
Because if I do and get the job, I’ll be telling the world that I’m a writer (i.e., my True Self). And if I get to realize my True Self in the world, then what if I fail? What if I’m not as good as I think? What if people don’t like me?
Working on myself and writing this newsletter every day helps me see what’s pulling the strings behind my forehead: the Ego’s fear of change.
And that’s ok – can handle that!
When did you rebel against your Ghost of Idea Deflection and where did that take you?
Love,
Carolina
Carolina Perez Sanz 